June married a handsome young man who was kind and hard working. She knew she was headed for a “happily ever after” type of life. But as the years went by, June could sense that something was wrong in her relationship. Her husband began to work late many nights. When she asked him about it, he told her he had extra jobs. But the extra jobs were never ending.
June did some investigating and found that he had had a pornography addiction since college. June called her best friend and cried. What had happened to the problem-free life she’d thought she was getting? She and her husband had been together for twenty-five years. There were the children to consider.
Her pastor encouraged both of them to seek therapy. Her husband agreed to counseling. He attended an addiction group and participated in a rehabilitation program as well as separate sessions with his own therapist.
When June came to me for therapy, she was depressed and overwhelmed with her situation. Laundry piled up and the house was a mess. She spent hours journaling her anger and betrayal and then sharing it in therapy. As the months went by, June recovered her ability to participate in daily life. She and her husband learned to communicate on a deeper level than they ever had before.
As she finished therapy, I asked June if she thought she had made a mistake in marrying her husband. She said when she first found out about the pornography, she would have said yes, but now she had found the light at the end of the tunnel. She could see all the good that had come from their troubles—the strength she had gained from her trial.
Find the light at the end of your tunnel.
1. Explore all your options.
2. Be solution focused—find an answer that’s right for you.
3. Decide what you will do differently next time.
4. Be kind to yourself—don’t blame yourself.
5. Write positive affirmations. Say them daily.
6. Create gratitude statements. Say them daily.
7. Look to your higher power for blessings.
There is always a light at the end of the tunnel—if you look for it.
Read more about this topic and others in Christy Monson’s new book, Becoming Free, A Woman’s Guide to Internal Strength, available on Kindle, Nook, and iPad September 1st 2013.