Unmet Needs

When your child is acting up, wonder about his or her unmet needs.

Four-year-old Jaden had to pick up his toys in the family room before he could go sledding with his older sisters. Usually he finished his Saturday work in plenty of time for play, but today he wasn't a happy helper. He threw herself on the floor and kicked and screamed. He was NOT going to do his job. His mother told Jaden she would help. Jaden still cried. Dad put him  on time out until he could be happy. He shrieked louder than ever.

"Makes me feel like I want to give him a reason to cry," Mom said to Dad.

If an incident like this occurs, look for the unmet need in the child's life. When both parents took a minute to think, they remembered that Jaden had been up late the night before at the movies with his older sisters. Rather than sleeping in on Saturday morning, he had gotten up early. 

After his temper tantrum, Jaden slept for an hour and was ready to get his work done and then play.

Jaden needed some sleep.

Peter, age six, loved to wrestle with his older brother, Sam, age twelve. Peter came home from school one day and wanted to tussle, but Sam was busy with a book report he had to turn in the next day so he politely asked Peter to stop. But Peter wanted to wrestle so he kept on punching and poking his brother. Finally Sam got up and moved to his bedroom to finish his report. He shut the door. Peter pounded to get in.

The banging got so loud, Mother came and gently took Peter by the arms and told his to stop. He needed to listen to his brother's words. Mother asked him to put on his swim suit and help her clean off the patio.

Peter couldn't tell himself to quit so someone had to help him. He needed some attention and some large muscle activity. He'd been sitting still in school all day. Mother's idea met both his needs.

Whatever your child's behavior, look beyond the happenings of the moment and find the unmet need that is driving the child's conduct.

Wisdom begins in wonder. Socrates