A Change of Thinking

Building self confidence is something we all want to do. But sometimes the negative voice inside  our heads over-powers the positive. Here are a few secrets to keeping ourselves on the confident side of life.

1.         Thinking creates feeling

If I want to feel positive and build my self confidence, I have to have positive thoughts. Even if I'm in a bad mood, I can change my feelings by listening to some of my favorite music, looking for the positive in my life, and giving gratitude for my surroundings.

2.         Everyone needs to write his or her their own mantras.

We can use generic thoughts and quotes from wise sources to help us feel better, but we are the only ones who know exactly what our inadequate feelings are.

Margie came into therapy with lots of negative thinking. She wanted a life-time partner, but had been unable to connect with anyone. Margie's father had been killed in the jungles of Vietnam when she was a child, and she felt abandoned.

Here are a couple of mantras she wrote to help herself heal.

* My father will be part of me forever.

*I can still have a loving relationship with my father in my thoughts.

As she healed, Margie began to see herself with a spouse. Her mantras included phrases like:

*I deserve to be cared for.

*I am loveable.

*I am worthy of a relationship.

I could tell Margie had her words just right because tears came to her eyes as she said each phrase. The words spoke to the depths of her soul. With guidance, Margie's own inner wisdom held the healing power. I am always humbled as I work with someone like Margie. It reaffirms what I already know. Healing—true healing—comes from within.

"If you wish to know the road up the mountain, ask the man who goes back and forth on it." Zebrine

3.         Changing your thinking is a process, not an event.

At first we all get enthused about a project, take the time to put it together, and then set it aside to go on to something else. If we are really serious about changing our thinking and our feelings, we have to work at it. It takes constant effort to bring about change.

We care for our physical bodies on a regular ongoing basis, what we put into them, how we exercise them, and the way we surround them with comforts and luxuries. But we sometimes neglect the inside. We must nurture ourselves internally on a consistent, long-term basis as well.

Write your mantras and say them to yourself daily as part of your wellness regime.

4.         Include others in your process.

Allow your friends and family to support you as you write your mantras. Tell them you are only interested in positive energy. They'll encourage you, and you can reciprocate.

As you find good in yourself and others, you add light to the world—the greatest gift you can offer life.